For people who know me, it’s tough to imagine that I believe in things like fate and destiny. And I want to be perfectly clear, I don’t. But I do believe in some things. I believe in disappointment, I believe in realising your dreams, I believe in sheer and utter rejection, and full-fledged embracing of a person of thing. There are extremes, and there are billions of shades of grey between those extremes. What matters is how open you are to seeing those nuances.
Yeah, most days if you ask me, there’s no meaning to life. Life is meaningless, it’s just a cycle of creation and destruction. That in no way means that we should accept the meaninglessness. We have to each find our own meaning in life. We cannot and should not prescribe to the same meaning of life. If each of us was able to live out our meaning of life, without the destructiveness of others, it would be a perfect world. If every evil thought and urge could be channeled into something productive for the individual and the society they constitute, then it would be a wonderful like after all.
But we are stuck. Stuck in the blame games and histories, the mistreatment of each other that is so consuming that we cannot do anything but get from one day to the next. This makes me cry. And this is what makes me say I hate the world. This is what makes me want life to end. This is what leaves me with little hope. All those people who believed and continue to believe in utopia, they are the biggest idiots of all. I do not believe in utopia, on earth or anywhere else. That is why I believe in making the most of every day.
Make each day a good day, in whatever way you define a good day. As long as you are not hurting others, what more do you want to make a good day? That is my question. I know the world is a horribly complex thing. There is no end to the cruelties people inflict on each other and the environment because of an inability to see a different world. The bigger picture is what every person claims is their vision. But there is no bloody bigger picture. We are all creating our own damn tapestries. And right now, the giant tapestry of humanity, it is far far too red, with the blood of people who got the short end of the stick.
So, I’m trying to make my tapestry beautiful. That one that will be attached to, and interwoven with the magnificent, bloody, awful tapestry of history, I will attach with pride, because I lived by my own strange sense of honour and small joys. I will not let the huge overwhelming moments of pain be the only thing you see when you look at my bit of the tapestry. I sound like I’m making a promise, it’s not. I don’t make promises I cannot keep. I am just expressing what I’d like my life to mean. I guess that’s all I can do, with my strange philosophy of life.
No one is watching, we should be responsible for our own actions. That is the problem, we assume everything is meaningless unless there is someone is watching. But there’s no one. And that is why this will continue. Until everyone realises that there is no higher audience who will reward or punish you. You are the only one who can judge your life, and change it. Make the outcome of it something bright and vibrant on that tapestry. Not the misery of dried brown bloodstains or smudged navy of dark cold nights, clouds blocking every twinkle of light.