Consent

You know that big word, which really isn’t that tough to understand? Why do we need a billion analogies to understand this?! A person has autonomy over their body, and a body is not a possession, but most analogies rely on this materialistic relationship just because the idiots who don’t understand consent need it spelled out in that kind of language. So, consent is like when someone wants to borrow your car, or pour you a cup of tea. Or whatever other analogy people need to understand how to not assault each other. You can say no, you can say not this time, you can say never, you can say never again. Basically, it’s your body, and if you’re not able to articulate that no, loudly and clearly, the other person should understand and back the fuck off. No stealing the car, no pouring the tea down your throat. Am I mixing up the analogies? Who gives a shit, they’re not really necessary to this post. Let’s get back to my main point.

Consent. It’s sexy as hell when anything is consensual. I haven’t ever had a partner that was interested in knowing how I was feeling as we progressed in our intimacy. Just knowing they cared enough to check with me about what they were doing right/wrong, and if it was fun for me too made me happy and feel like a person, not a piece of meat. I was definitely more turned on by that kind of interest in my pleasure and well-being, than I have ever been by someone grabbing at me, and expecting me to explode with joy at their general insensitivity to my pleasure. If I sound whiny, you clearly haven’t had to deal with a partner who couldn’t care less if that position works for you, if you feel more than a little bit used, unsatisfied, while they definitely had a good time. Intimacy of any kind doesn’t need to be so damn selfish, so why can’t more people learn to stop, ask, and reassure: “Are you alright with this? We don’t have to continue if you don’t want to.”

One more thing we need to teach people as they grow up: you need to take care of yourself, but it doesn’t hurt to check with the other person in the room if they’re alright. It might save a life, or just prevent a maelstrom of regret and turmoil.

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